Post Christmas Blues....

     Are you one of those people who goes into a depression when Christmas is over?  Perhaps you are like me and it isn't the fact that all the hoopla is over, but more about things and events which did not turn out the way you wanted.

     I remember one Christmas when I was about 12.  My nephew was about 6 and we had an aunt, (his great-aunt) who always came to open gifts with us.  She had asked his mom what she could get him for Christmas.  The mother told the aunt that he could use some underwear.  I will never forget the look on his face when he opened them.  He was so disappointed and cried.  My aunt looked at the mom and said, "How could you do this?  His little heart is broken.  I will never give them anything other than a toy again!"  With that she reached into her purse and pulled out a $5 bill for him.  (Hint, back in 1970, $5 was a big deal!) 

     My husband tells of his Christmas gifts while growing up.  They were a very poor family and he had three siblings.  Every year he received the same thing; socks and a bucket of toy soldiers.  He too had an aunt that gave them all gifts.  It was from her that he received the toy soldiers. 

     I, on the other hand, had grown up in a family who was a little better off financially.  Every year I received several toys, games and clothes.  I was always thrilled with the things I received.  Christmas Eve was spent with my family having a fabulous evening meal then gift opening.  The next morning I would awake to gifts from Santa.  The rest of the day was spent with a noon meal at my maternal grandparents home, surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins. 

     My dream was to someday be a wife and mother, surrounded by my family and bestowing wonderful gifts on all of them.  This is the way Christmas went for me until 10 years ago.  My oldest son had just married and my dad was in the last stage of his life.  As my son and daughter-in-law headed four hours north to be with her family, my dad was hospitalized with pneumonia.  He would be in the hospital for two weeks.  As my family gathered to eat and open gifts, I spent the entire evening with my Daddy.  We talked the hours away as he told me about his salvation and things he regretted in his life.  He also told me the things which were of the utmost importance to him.  Some of those things were personal between him and me and aren't things I want to divulge.  It would be only one month before we would say our last good-bye. 

     Less than 5 months later my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Surgery, recovery, an infection.....months of recovery.  All the while I had a husband and an 11 year old at home.  My son and his wife moved to Louisville.  The first to leave home, I had no time for grieving his move, I had my mother to care for.  Christmas was way different that year.  No Dad, Mom sick, son away from home with no plans to spend the time off with his family.  My first Christmas without my dad and my oldest son. 

    The next year was filled with more "stuff".   The doctors planned a hysterectomy for me at the beginning of June.  Two weeks before my surgery, my son called to say that they were moving to Colorado.  My husband, youngest son and I headed to Louisville to help them load everything up on a U-Haul.  The day of my surgery, they headed toward Colorado Springs. 

     Colorado was just a little too far to travel to or from for the next Christmas so again the time was spent with the remaining family, missing my son and my dad.  In April we received the news that we would become grandparents right about Christmas that year.  Excited was an understatement, but just a month later my mom lost her battle with cancer.  Christmas would NEVER be the same again. 

     As Christmas drew near, the son and wife had moved in with her parents four hours north of us.  They had left the jobs in Colorado due to some ugly circumstances on the part of the employer, but this also left them without jobs or income and a baby on the way.  On Dec. 23 we received the call that labor had begun and we headed toward the hospital.  Late that evening we laid eyes on the little bundle of blue.  Bittersweet emotions ravaged me.  Joy over the birth of a grandson, but heartbreak that my parents didn't live long enough to meet him.  On Christmas Eve we headed back home to a house full of family at my brother's.  Joy spread as I let everyone view the pictures of the newborn grandson. 

     Great expectations from me over what the next several years of Christmas celebrations would be like.  Those expectations have never been realized though.  We have never spent a Christmas with our son and his family.  Every year I expect, but those expectations never come to fruition.  Each year about the first of November I go into a horrible funk and become depressed.  My birthday also falls in this time period.

     As my youngest son began to come of age he has made sure to remember my birthday and Christmas.  He tries to plan something special for me and is very thoughtful with his gifts.  But now there is a young lady in his life and her mom lives on the other side of the United States from us.  The girlfriend always goes to her mom's the day after Christmas and stays until after the first of the year.  She is a precious young woman and I know she only sees her mom about twice a year, so I don't begrudge her of that. 

    My son and his girlfriend try to spend one evening with us at Christmas, but this year due to a special circumstance that had to fly out on the Sunday before.  This year it was just me and the husband, all alone.  I tried to keep up my spirits and made it okay until Christmas night.  As I sat there looking at my decorated tree with absolutely no gifts under it, depression began to set in.  The next day would be a work day for me and I was just flat out angry about it all. 

     Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been the most important and special time of the year for me.  There is just some magical quality about it.  If you are all alone or wish to just simply let Christmas pass you by for a year it is almost impossible.  Everywhere you turn there are lights, trees, commercials and programs.  Church is transformed into this "joyous" place.  Dinners at work, cards arriving in the mail and questions.....lots of questions; "When are your grandchildren arriving?"  "Are you cooking for your family?"  Questions which leave me in a terrible place.  At first I feel hurt, then anger as I struggle to explain why I won't see any of my children at Christmas. 

     Last Thursday evening I went to bed so angry.  I vented my anger as my husband lay there in bed listening.  Then as he drifted off to sleep, I vented to God through lots of tears.  I knew I should be thankful.  After all, just two days before Christmas a co-worker had buried his 55 year old wife, (also a co-worker).  I should be thankful to be alive and well.  I should be thankful that I have two healthy, wonderful sons.  I should be thankful that I have two healthy precious grandsons.  I should be thankful that, as far as we know, my husband and I are healthy, but I was hurting and angry.  Why had God allowed this to happen to me?  Why couldn't I feel grateful and thankful?  There were people much worse off than me.  Just this past February my great-nephew and his wife had buried their 9 month old daughter.  My heart ached for them, but I couldn't get past me.  

     Today, Sunday, Dec. 28, 2014 I opened my Sunday School book to look over the lesson as I drank my coffee.  The title of the lesson was: The Shelter of God's Encouragement.  Across the page was a question, "When do you feel like singing the blues?"  I took the book to my husband and said, "Look at today's lesson in the book."  The scripture was from Psalms 42 and 43. 

     In class the teacher asked a lot of questions.  I, along with many others, commented on his questions.  One thing that came from those conversations was the fact that when we are hurting or angry, it is okay to vent to God.  He is our shelter and we are safe with him.  When we finish, He says, "Well, do you feel better?  Are you ready to hear what I have to say now?" 

     One specific question the teacher asked was, "What do you do when your expectations aren't met? Perhaps we have unrealistic expectations."  Wow, was that my problem?  Did I have unrealistic expectations?  As I drove home from Church I thought about a time in my life when I realized that as long as I held on to the past I could not move forward.  It's kind of like that child on the playground who is swinging.  You tell them it is time to go and they start screaming, "No, I don't want to go," as they grab the chains and hang on for dear life.  All the while the next stop is the beach.  Oh my!  I suddenly realized that I am that child!  I have been hanging on to Christmas past and until I let go, I cannot experience the Christmas future. 

     Encouragement from God's Word and His people are both invaluable for us.  It caused me to begin thinking again about an old poem I have always loved.  The poem talks about us being like children who bring their broken toys for us to mend.  We bring all our broken dreams, promises others have made and not kept, expectations, etc to God.....but the poem ends with the child screaming, "How could you be so slow?" to which God replies, "Child, you never let go....."

     As I struggle to deal with how to let go of my expectations in order for God to give me greater expectations, I pray that you will learn to let go of the expectations in your life that are unrealistic or unmet.  I will pray for all of you and I ask that you pray for me as well.  And, as the New Year is upon us, let ALL your words be encouraging words that lead people TO God.  It is not easy, believe me.  I know all the right things, but find it hard to do on a daily basis.  That is why it is so important that we pray for each other and you will find that on the days you are having difficulties, someone else has just come through that time in their life and can be a blessing and encouragement to you.  In the same manner, as you come out on the other side, look for someone to whom you can be an encouragement. 

     "Dispatch Your light and Your truth, they will guide me, they will bring me to Your holy mountain and to Your dwellings.  That I may come to the altar of God, to God, the gladness of my joy; and praise You on the harp, O God, my God.  Why are you downcast, my soul, and why are you disturbed on my account?  Hope to God, for I shall yet thank Him for the salvations of my countenance and because He is my God!"  Psalms 43:3-5

    Shalom!

Ghosts and the unexplained! part 2

As I stated in my last post, I love the fact that Halloween turns people to thoughts of something beyond our realm of understanding.  It is the most opportune time to talk about God, yet one of the biggest hindrances to our doing so is the fact that we don't know enough about life outside this one to comment appropriately.  Oh people try, but without much success.  Within Christianity we think we have a lot of knowledge of scripture, but probably 99% of Christians can't even adequately explain what happened on the cross.

The people of the world are highly educated in the sciences and language, but how educated are we on the words of our God?  Do you know any more of those words beyond a first grade level?  From my interaction with even PhD level theologians, they are only at a third grade level.  Unless we can appropriately explain the meaning of the white spaces in God's word, we are no more than little children.

Ahh, do those words ring a bell with any of you?   Little children does mean the same as a small child, but in 1st century Judaism it was also an idiom for people who were new in the faith.  Those who were just beginning to understand the meaning of the words of Jesus.

I am an acquaintance of a young man on social media who is an Atheist.  Until meeting him I knew relatively little about Atheism, other than they believe there is no such thing as a god.  Although I do not agree with him on this issue, reading some of his posts in regard to this subject has been a true eye-opener.  The people in his Atheist group on social media are very educated and their perspective on Christianity and Christians has changed my entire thought process.  No, I haven't changed my religion, but I can suddenly see how others may view Christians and let me tell you, it is not pretty.

These people do not bash us, at least not in the way you might think, but they see us mostly as people who are swayed by emotions rather than facts.  Through their eyes I have seen how egotistical and arrogant Christians can be along with how well we don't check out our facts before putting them out for all the world to see.  I have been able to view Christianity from it's ugly side.  A view of how much Christians persecute and harass those with different beliefs.

One picture truly caught my eye.  It was the picture of a young woman holding a large Bible against her chest and waving a gun in the air with the words, "I am a Christian and you aren't taking my guns!"  At the side of that was another picture, that of a woman dressed in a black burkha, holding the Koran to her chest and waving a machine gun in the air with the words, "No god, but Allah!"  The caption below these two pictures was, "Is there any difference?"

I want those words to sink in.  What image are we, as Christians, portraying to the world?  Can they not see any difference in us and the radical Muslims?  After seeing that picture I began once again to scroll through facebook and noticed many posts, by Christians, as they shared quotes or memes.  I was appalled at the "in your face," elitist attitudes these conveyed.  After several weeks of seeing these passed around I made a comment on my page about how offensive some Christian posts are and it appears I lost quite a few "friends" over it.  Oh well.

Jesus never acted arrogant or elitist.  For many of us, we have been taught that he snubbed his nose at the Pharisees and was arrogant with them, but folks we are soooooo wrong!  Jesus, himself, said that when we know the truth it will set us free!  He was correct!  When we begin to learn the truths of the Scripture from the Hebraic point of view the pieces of the puzzle absolutely fall into place.  The words come together to form the most beautiful and magnificent picture EVER!

The world says education is the key and it absolutely is.  If we do not truly know and understand God's word, how can we ever hope to explain phenomena on this planet?  The highly educated people in this world can tear apart our explanations in about 10 seconds and we are left with our mouths agape.  We have the great fortune of being post Christ.  If we learn the Bible from a Hebraic point of view and couple it with the knowledge that Jesus was the long awaited Messiah.......WOW!

The more I learn in this journey I have come to realize that the phenomena we can observe from time to time CANNOT compare to the reality of what IS there!  Hearing "ghost stories" and tales of "haunted" places convince me over and over that there is so much more to my God than I could ever dream!  Know the truth, learn the truth from God's own people, the Jews, and see if He will not throw open the windows of heaven and pour out blessings without measure on you!  Shalom!

Do you believe in ghosts?

Last Friday was Halloween.  It can be a fun day and evening or it can be the most frightening night of your life.  As a teen I went to the local haunted house, paid my money and proceeded to have the frosting scared out of me, but as I began having children of my own I wanted them to experience good things on that day.  I have gone through years of loving Halloween, (as a child getting all the candy), and also years I hated that day and wanted nothing to do with it.  Now as a middle-aged woman I really, really love Halloween and I would love to share with you as to why.

About three weeks ago, our local television morning newscast spent one morning on each of the four states in our region noting stories about the most haunted places within those states.  As one state in particular was mentioned I waited for the name of a certain cemetery, but it was never mentioned. I know this cemetery well, because my great-grandparents and other family members of that generation are buried there.  I have heard the stories all my life and the cemetery has quite the reputation.  I thought well, I guess I will have to bring it to their attention so I sent in a comment on their web page and they emailed me back.  Before I tell you more about why I love Halloween,  please go to the link and watch the short news video, then see me back here!

http://www.wpsdlocal6.com/story/27173546/spooky-lights-often-seen-at-weakley-county-cemetery

Now, what do you think?  Do ghosts really exist?  Are there extra-terrestrial beings living among us?  Perhaps you are a naysayer.  Come on, you have to admit there are a lot of phenomena around us we cannot explain, right?  One part of the interview which didn't make it into the video is the fact that I have a very good friend who lives approximately three miles from that cemetery, (straight behind it), and she has one of those "things" occupying her house.  The house isn't old, in fact she and her husband built the house from the ground up.  She and her family are some of the most Godly people I know and they aren't pranksters.  She told us the story and we all asked, "Aren't you afraid of it?"  She replied that she had never been afraid of it and in fact had a picture of it.  When she brought the picture, sure enough there it was floating over her sons shoulder, in the dining room with the lights on.  An orb.  A small ball of energy and light.

As I prepared for my interview I suddenly had this awesome peace about a subject which had left me in a quandary my entire life.  A ball of light, in fact hundreds of balls of light.  Hmmmmmm.  Most all of us would agree there are many things for which we have no explanation.  This can only mean one thing, there are other dimensions which we cannot enter, but those things which dwell there are able to cross into ours.

Every Halloween thousands or millions of stories are told about hauntings, ghosts and apparitions.  One day per year, almost all Americans admit there is something beyond this life and what we can see, taste, touch, smell and hear.  They admit there is something more than this life, but what?  Aha!  That is the question and one I will expound upon further on in a day or two!  Shalom!

Something New!

Good News!!!

     I have just published my first book, An Unexpected Bend In The Road!    It is the first novel in a series titled, 5776.  If you have at least somewhat enjoyed my blog, please check out the book and if you order one, after reading please go to Amazon.com and leave a comment about the book.
     If you will click on the "My Books" page tab at the top of this blog, you will find a link to take you directly to CreateSpace or you may also go to http://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Bend-The-Road-Volume/dp/150234193X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1412302461&sr=8-1 and order from them.  Both of these are Amazon companies.  It is also available through Amazon in an e-book for Kindle.
     I can also be followed on twitter @HannahRachel577.
     Thank you all for reading this blog.  You are such a blessing to me and I pray for HaShem to bless each and every one of you also.  On this great Holiest of Holy Days, may your name be found written in the Book of Life and may HaShem grant you a sweet, sweet year to come.  May your blessings from HaShem flow like honey from the hive.

     Allison Baker was a small town girl, living on her own in the big city. Her choices in men had been destructive, to say the least, until David. This man, and his love for her, was like a fairy tale dream come true. David had taken her broken, chaotic world and turned it back upright again. Every day a piece of the scattered puzzle began to fall into place. She began to see how beautiful she truly was, but the more beautiful she became, the uglier the world around her seemed. Her eyes were now open to atrocities she had never even imagined. 
     Allison didn't think she was that naïve, yet she couldn't help but wonder if those things had been there all along without her noticing them? The things which had personally been upside down were now right side up. At the same time, everything she thought was right side up was now upside down. What was happening? Was she to play a role in balancing it all out? 
     Revelations, twists, and turns around each and every corner now seemed to be the new norm. Was David with her or against her? Were the things she now saw a nightmare from which she could not awaken or were they reality? 
     Take a walk with Allison on her journey. Travel the road and observe the picture she now sees. Do you believe you are a discerning person? Perhaps you are not as discerning as you think. Many times the only difference between reality and a nightmare is a matter of perspective. Like Allison Rachel Baker, if what you had always believed were not true, would you really want to know?

The Most Important Day of the Year!

Today is Thursday, October 2nd.  Just an ordinary Thursday, but this time tomorrow will be a highly special day.  The problem is, very few Christians will have a clue about it and will not take the day seriously.  Beginning at 6:16 p.m. cst on Friday, this day is not only the Sabbath, but the absolute most important day of the year.  It is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

If you ask most Christians what is the most important day of the year they will most likely say either Good Friday or Easter, but that is not the day God has said is the most important.  The Children of Israel created a golden calf and began to worship it.  As a result, Moses went up onto the mountain to plead with God, face to face, to spare the lives of those people.  In fact, Moses spent almost three months on the mountain pleading for the lives of his people and God granted pardon on the 10th day of the 7th Hebrew month,  Every year the Jews celebrate the 10th of Tishrei as Yom Kippur; the day God granted atonement for the sin of the golden calf. It is a day which God said to keep and to uphold.  The instructions for that day are given in Leviticus 16-18 if you would like to read it for yourself.

This great day is preceded by the celebration of Rosh Hashanah on the 1st and 2nd of Tishrei.  It is best known for the blasting of the shofar, some 100 times to be specific.  It is the beginning of the New Year and is also the anniversary of the creation of Adam and Eve.

So why are these two celebrations so important and should Christians celebrate them faithfully?  Take a look with me about these days.  During the days of Jesus, the Jews taught that on Rosh Hashanah the heavenly court convened.  On that first day there are also two books opened; the Book of Life and the Book of Death.  During the next ten days the adversary brings accusations against mankind. Mankind then, has 10 days to repent, return to God and seek His forgiveness in order for their names to be written in the Book of Life for another year.  It was taught that God closed and sealed the books on Yom Kippur and that He would not reopen the books until Rosh Hashanah the next year.  In this heavenly courtroom it was decided who would live and who would die during the coming year.  (Hmmmm, is any scripture jumping to the forefront of your mind about now?)

During this "trial" of sorts, the heavenly court states that they cannot pass a sentence on a human without that particular human's approval.  How can this be?  No person in their right mind would pass a terrible sentence upon themselves, would they?  The answer?  The court declares they will send a situation into the life of the human which is similar to their very own situation.  As the human judges that situation, so shall his own sentence be.

Just in case you think this is an old wive's tale, look with me at the teachings of Jesus.  Read Matthew 7 and Luke 6.  Jesus, Himself, is speaking of this very principle.  It is called measure for measure.  The traditions of the Rabbis taught that however you measured out either yourself or judgment to others in this life is the way life and judgment will be measured out to you as well.  They took this lesson from King David who, after his sin with Bathsheba, was confronted by the Prophet Nathan.  Nathan presented David with a scenario to see how he would judge.  David pronounced the judgement and Nathan then replied, "You are that man, David."

The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are spent doing a fall cleaning of our hearts, souls and minds to prepare for God's decision.  Will our names be written in the Book of Life or the Book of Death?  Will we live another year or die?

Now is the time of salvation.  Now is the time for us to ask forgiveness and to forgive.  Now is the time to mend fences.  Now is the time to repent, repent, repent and turn our whole lives back to God.  The blowing of the shofar, (translated trumpets in most English Bibles), is the only language the Adversary cannot understand.  The blowing of the shofar confuses the adversary so that we may come to God in reckless abandon, without fear, to beseech Him for another year of life on this earth.  We can confess, forgive and repent without the enemy understanding a word we speak.  He cannot take our words and turn them against us for these ten days.  We are told by the sages that after the blowing of the shofar we are to scream our requests out to God.  Scream, scream, scream for these screams, along with the shofar keep the adversary confused and befuddled.  Yet God can understand our every cry, our screams our moanings!  (Think Joshua and the battle of Jerico here!)

Perhaps your name is written in the Book of Life for another year or perhaps it is not.  This has nothing to do with your eternal salvation.  Before sundown tomorrow, have you forgiven all?  Have you shown mercy, compassion and kindness?  Have you given charity?  Mostly, have you repented - made a 180 and turned to look into the eyes of God in order to follow him, leaving your unforgiving, judgmental, unmerciful, uncompassionate, and unkind heart behind?  It is a day for fasting from the things of this world.

Repent, turn from evil and return to God.  Seek His mercy through your mercy to others.  Some day the books will be opened for the final time.  On that day of Yom Kippur, all those whose names are NOT written in the Book of Life will be cast into the Lake of Fire, the second death.  Shalom!

In Memory.....

I would have to say this is the most difficult post I have ever written, yet also the easiest.  Last night a very good friend of mine left this world for a new world.  I first met Sandra (Sandy) Garfinkel about 14 years ago when I was hired to work in the same office as her.  Looking back on her life, I want people to know the Sandy I knew and this is that story.

Sandy was one of three women I shared a large room with.  A row of filing cabinets lined the middle of the room dividing it into two halves.  Two workers were on either side of that row of cabinets.  She was a very quiet woman who kept mostly to herself.  A few weeks into my new job, I found myself alone in that room for an entire Friday.  A small radio sat atop the cabinets and played a local radio station all day, just for background noise.  As I was alone, I changed the radio to a Contemporary Christian radio station.  At the end of the day I forgot to change the station back.

On Monday, around 9 a.m. I heard Sandy ask, "Who changed the radio to that channel?"  After a small discussion among the others I shyly said, "I did.  I'm sorry."  I knew by the tone in her voice she really didn't care for "my" music, so I quickly changed it back.  Nothing more was said.

Over the course of the next couple of years, Sandy and I became acquaintances.  She wore hearing aids, so small quiet talk was out of the question, but we would carry on conversations in the break room from time to time.  As soon as our conversations would begin, she made it very well known that she had no use for Christianity.  I asked, "What do you believe?"

Her response was, "I am a Unitarian Universalist."

I then asked, "What is that?"

Sandy replied, "It is a group of people who believe that each person should follow the path of their own choosing in peace and harmony with others, without condemnation for those who believe differently.  We believe that each religion is true for those that follow it."

I simply replied, "I see.  I have never heard of it before and was just curious."

I asked her if she thought Christianity was a viable religion and she said, "I don't believe in it."

It was that moment which brought me to a place of asking myself, 'Can you still love and like her even if she never wants to hear about your God?'

I immediately responded, 'Yes!'

I promised myself that I would never bring up my God.  I would love her and be friends with her and let her live her life as she chose.

In 2004 my oldest son, who had graduated with her youngest son, was to be married at a large Southern Baptist Church where we attended.  I invited all the people from that office, although I had left working there at the time.  To my surprise, Sandy came to the wedding.

The wedding was one of the most spiritual weddings I have ever been to in my life.  (No thanks to me, since all I did was provide food for the rehearsal dinner and even forgot to order any kind of dessert!) The director of the Baptist Campus Ministry performed the ceremony, Worship Music was played and sang throughout and a sign language team used sign to perform a song.  After the ceremony I walked over to Sandy to thank her for coming.  She was smiling from ear to ear and couldn't stop talking about how beautiful and touching the entire ceremony had been.  She followed me into the gymnasium for the reception and stayed until the last person left.  Over and over again she commented on the beauty of that service.  I had no response except to smile and give her another hug, telling her how much she honored me by coming.

I now fast forward a few years to 2010.  I was working midnights at Briggs and Stratton.  It was about 8 a.m. in the morning.  I had taken my son to school, taken a shower and a dose of melatonin and crawled into bed when my phone rang.  It was a co-worker of Sandy's whom I had worked with also.  She said, "I'm sorry to call like this, but I wanted you to know that Sandy is in Western Baptist in Paducah.  Apparently she fell sometime in the night and her oldest son was there to hear it.  He couldn't get her to answer him so he called an ambulance.  After testing they determined that Sandy has a brain tumor and they are going to do surgery today.  She is in ICU."

"I thanked her for letting me know, but since I had just taken sleeping medicine I thought it best not to make a 45 minute trip until after I had slept some.  Later that day I hopped in my car and headed to the hospital.  I walked into her room and she was semi-conscious.  She kept smiling at me, but I knew she was probably in la-la land due to anesthesia and medication.  She definitely couldn't carry on a conversation.  I held her hand for a few moments, then left and bought a gift and flowers at the gift shop and asked that they be delivered to her room.

Things for Sandy didn't quite go as smooth as she had hoped.  Shortly after her release from the hospital she suffered a couple of seizures.  Now medication was added for those.  Then another set-back as she suffered a stroke.  Months of rehabilitation to help her walk again and people helping out with food and other services.  Slowly she regained her strength and ability to use her hands and feet and returned to work, but it was obvious that the result of it all was vast memory lost.

The only way I can adequately describe it is in terms of the movie, 50 First Dates.   You could have a conversation with her today, see her tomorrow and she would begin the same conversation over again, never remembering the previous one.

I would see her at Kroger or Wal-Mart or out and about at MSU activities from time to time.  We picked right up where we had left off, or basically where I had left off and it was as if we had not been apart.

In the fall of 2010 I started attending a new class in Murray at the invitation of a co-worker at Briggs.  The class is called Torah Tuesdays.  At first I had a lot of difficulty with the class, because it required me to leave my comfort zone and put aside the things I had learned my entire life, (only for a moment), so I could see a bigger picture.  This class soon became my life's blood.  It was giving me something for which I had yearned all my life.

Sometime in late 2012, as I was walking into class I looked up to see a very familiar face, Sandy!  I went running to her and said, "Girl, I am so glad to see you!"

Sandy then asked how long I had been coming to the class and I told her for two years.  We sat together on the front row every Tuesday evening from that point on.  The teacher of that class also teaches a Sunday School class in the same method on Sunday mornings.  Eventually Sandy began attending those classes also.  Many Tuesday evenings, after class was over, she and I would stand in the parking lot and talk for hours.

Sandy would not miss that class for anything if she could help it.  Still, I just allowed myself to be her friend without any strings attached.  This past June during class I began to notice how she would go to sleep in the middle of class.  At first I thought she was really tired, but it kept happening over and over each week.  Then I attended a Sunday morning class and again, she would just go out while writing.  I was very concerned, afraid that the brain tumor was back.  In late July I saw her at the grocery and she informed me that she had been to the doctor and found that she had Pneumonia.

Aha! I thought.  That explains a lot, but just a few days later on Tuesday as we were sitting down at our usual spot, Sandy turned to me and said, "I found out that I don't have Pneumonia, I have a large mass on my lung.  I go back to the doctor next week."

I tried to be encouraging as much as I could and told her to think good thoughts and that perhaps it was really nothing after all.  That night as usual she nodded off and I looked at her paper, because she had been writing when she fell asleep.  There were a few illegible scribbles yet in the middle of those were the letters FAITH in large letters.

Sandy's mass turned out to be stage 4 small cell carcinoma lung cancer.  She was diagnosed on her birthday and lived 15 days more.  She passed away while our Torah Tuesday class was in session.

That session was so powerful to me that night.  I knew her condition was grave and she had only hours, but the words our Teacher gave were monumental.  We have been taught that in Judaism, at creation, Adam and Eve were created perfect and placed into a perfect world.  When they fell, they fell into an imperfect world.  The teacher said it like this, "Have you ever put together a 600 piece puzzle.  The top or picture on it is magnificently beautiful and full of a tremendously bright light, but the back is just dark, ugly cardboard.  It is all put together and suddenly you upset the table it is laying on.  As the table falls, the puzzle comes apart and is scattered everywhere.  Some pieces fall under the couch or into it.  Some are scattered into the dark recesses of the corners and others lay out in the open.  Some you cannot see, because they are upside down and all you can see is the darkness, while others are proudly sitting face-up showing that brilliant light.  Well, that is this world we live in.  God's presence in this world is apparent, but not revealed.  Each of us was created in the image of God and that contains a spark of divinity and unlimited creativity.  Adam and his descendants will put the puzzle back together again one connection at a time."

Wow!  He is talking about Sandy.  She was created in the image of God and contains a spark of divinity and unlimited creativity.  She talked about that class all the time.  In fact, she called me last week from her hospital room and was laughing about possibly going home the next day.

"If I can get settled in by next week, I hope to be back in class on Tuesday.  I just love that class," she said.

I have no way of knowing if my friend ever said those magical words the Church expects people to say, but this I do know.  She LOVED Torah class and my God has told me in His Word that He looks at the heart, not the outward man.

All I have done for 14 years is to love her without expecting anything in return.  What I never really realized until now was how God was going to allow me to see the puzzle of her life after it was completed.  It is not often that we are allowed to see the part we play in another's life.  As I began to think back over those years of knowing Sandy I began to see how each and every piece of the puzzle had fallen into place, in God's timing and in His way, not mine.

Rob Bell wrote a book a few years back entitled, Love Wins.  The book received very negative reviews from the Church, but having been on this ship with my dear friend let me tell you, Love does win!  My friend Sandy, a woman after God's own heart.  Amen!

                            In memory of my dear friend, Sandra Garfinkel  8/18/48 - 9/2/14

It's Time For A Toxic Spiritual Cleanse!

I apologize for not posting in almost a year.  I took a slight hiatus to work on my book, which is now published in e-book form on Amazon.  Hopefully by the end of next week it will be in book form also.  It is a novel entitled An Unexpected Bend In The Road.  It is also the first in a series I have entitled 5776.  I think the series will have three books, but who knows!

Last fall my company was at an all time record high in build plans which required mandatory six day weeks for nearly six months.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed, to say the least, wanting to finish the book I had begun, and writing this blog.  Something had to go, and well the rest is history.

Now I feel it is time to pick the blog back up and go on with it.  I have also changed medications which is a very good thing.  If you have read my previous posts you will understand that my brain was in overdrive and I can see now that some things just clearly didn't make a lot of sense.  Seizure medication is like that.  They all come with side effects!

This past week I began to see a picture of what I should write for my first comeback post.  Today is the fourth day of the Jewish month of Elul.  This month is so special, because it is a time to spend cleansing ourselves of sin and our own personal demons, so to speak.  Personal inventory time!  If there are bad habits in our life, this is the time to purge them.  God has planned a special time for us to meet with Him.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to get caught in my underwear!  How embarrassing would that be?

In our western thought process we have a hard time understanding why this month is the optimal time to purge our lives of the dross within.  Can this not be done at any time?  Certainly, but when we understand the way God works and His timetable, it becomes very clear.  The sages have always taught that God has a calendar and there are special times He has placed on it.

I want to think of it in this manner, we can visit a family member at any time, but think of how special the times are when you are specifically invited to their home.  Sometimes it is for a time of heartbreak, to share in a sorrow, but most of the time it is for a celebration.  How wonderful it is to be invited to share in an extra special occasion.  Which has more meaning to you, to have someone wish you a happy birthday on social media or to give you an invitation to meet with them to celebrate it in person?  To think that this person loves you so much they would take time to plan a birthday party for you!

This is the way God's calendar works.  Before the beginning of time He planned a calendar with special events scattered throughout and gave you an invitation to each and every one of them the day you were born.  The best part is that this calendar has a purpose with each event; communion and connection with God Himself.  It is not like those dinners to which you are invited with the purpose of signing you up for a "job" that will bring you great wealth and prosperity at the expense of others.  An invitation with the host's interest in mind, not yours, kind of like a political fundraising campaign.

God's purpose has your best interest at heart.  You can certainly celebrate your birthday at any time of the year, but isn't it just the best when someone loves you enough to plan a special celebration ON your birthday?  Elul is the special time of year where God placed on His calendar a time for you to take care of business in your own life.  Yes, we can do it anytime, but this month of Elul was the time set by the Creator just for this purpose.  Call it a personal fall cleaning or preparation for an even more special day, because an even greater celebration is coming and we must be ready.

Just around the corner, beginning the evening of the 3rd of October on our calendars, is Yom Kippur, the day of Atonement.  This is the most Holy day of the entire year, for it is on this day that God applies His redemption to His people.  It is THE DAY OF ALL DAYS!  It is the day when the High Priest was allowed to enter the Holy of Holies in order to atone for the people, (Hebrews 10:19-25 http://biblehub.com/aramaic-plain-english/hebrews/10.htm ).

Sandwiched in between the beginning of Elul and Yom Kippur is another day of great importance....Rosh Hashanah, which this year is Sept. 24-26.  It is the civil new year, also known as the Feast of Trumpets.  Hint, hint....  It is the day when we will personally meet with Him in order to go over our spiritual inventory list together.  I want to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant!  You spent your time of preparation correctly and came ready for the celebration."  I certainly do not want Him to say, "Can I ask you why you weren't prepared for this day?  This is a palace and I am a King.  Why are you still in your pajamas?"

I think perhaps as western Christians it is hard for us to see this day as more special than Good Friday or Easter, but it is those two days which make Yom Kippur even more special.  Before Jesus came to earth there was Yom Kippur.  God's grace and unmerited favor were already being poured out on those who wanted a relationship with Him and were willing to prepare correctly to meet with Him.  Want to know what those preparations were?  Check out Leviticus 16:1-34.  Now that Jesus has come to Earth, we can understand even more clearly why this day and the role He plays in it are so special.

Think of it in this manner; those who love the King and yearn for a relationship with Him, when invited to a special event, will do everything in their power to be prepared for that event.  Those who do not take that relationship with intense sincerity will not properly prepare.  They will most likely say, "It doesn't matter, because it really isn't that big of a deal to me."  They will not prepare and then be totally embarrassed or horrified when they arrive.  Then there are also those who gladly receive the invitation, but either don't fully read it or they read it and interpret it from an outside point of view.  Some may say, "I can go without all those preparations.  They are old and archaic and really don't matter anymore, besides I'm not perfect just forgiven."  Or to even say, "Look everyone I am with the King!  He and I are buddies!"  (Have you ever attended an event to which you were invited and you didn't really read the entire invitation?  Did you show up in casual clothes only to find out formal wear was to be the attire or vice versa?  Or have you attended an invitation only event hoping someone would think you were special?  Oh goodness, there is that "I" again!)  

All of the festivals and Holy Days will be celebrated perfectly when the King returns and we should be prepared to celebrate them with The King.  The really bad thing is that all of those things we are asked to give up or eradicate during the month of Elul (preparation), are things which if left unchecked will result in us ruining the event for ourselves.

Let me enlighten you with some examples: if you are a relatively heavy smoker will you be in that event not enjoying the time with the King, because you are waiting for a break to go catch a smoke? (I am not picking on smoking, but thinking about things we are addicted to that cause us to not be able to focus on the beauty before us, because we are too busy feeding the monster inside.  That monster could be ego, smoking, drinking, drugs, drama, sugar...etc.)   If your heart is full of unforgiveness or anger will you erupt with emotions and outbursts if that person's name or a particular issue is mentioned?  Do you really want to be a drama king or queen at The King's event?  How much of your life has already been spent feeding the monsters inside of you?  Time which could have been spent in peace and health.

We have been invited for a one on one meeting with The God of all creation.  Will He see us looking back at Him with total admiration or will we be preoccupied with the things we are still harboring in our lives?  The Mishna, which was written less than 100 years after Jesus, is a collection of oral traditions among the Israelites.  Regarding Rosh Hashanah it says:  "At Rosh Hashanah all flesh passes before Him like the members of a flock." (m.Rosh Hashana 1:2, cf b. Rosh Hashanah 16a).  As each person passes before Him, their name is either written in the Book of Life or the Book of Death.  It is 10 days later at Yom Kippur that God Himself, closes the books on and proclaims the fate of those who passed before Him, for another year.  Ultimately there will be a final day for this and itwill never take place again.

If this is true and Jesus believed these things, then Matthew 6 ( http://biblehub.com/aramaic-plain-english/matthew/6.htm ) and Luke 12:1-32 ( http://biblehub.com/aramaic-plain-english/luke/12.htm ) along with Matthew 25:31-46 ( http://biblehub.com/aramaic-plain-english/matthew/25.htm ) make perfect sense.  The first two scriptures tell of Jesus speaking and states, "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness..."  The last scripture is a reference to all the nations of the world being gathered before Him and he will separate the sheep on the right and the goats on the left.  The rest of the sermon is in regard to a King pronouncing judgment on those who are on each side and why.  If you read the entire discourse you will see that those on the right were the ones who prepared adequately while those on the left did not.  In other words, the ones on the right did the correct preparations without thought to themselves.  They did not do it for personal gain since they had no idea they were doing it for the King Himself, but they did it because their hearts were pure and had been purged of all unrighteousness.  There was no "I" distracting them.

Introduction over and now I am ready to share with you the thing revealed to me about this post.  Please do not become offended if you have a true illness and are doing everything the doctor says or within your power.  This comment is not meant for you.  People all around us are sick with various symptoms or diseases.  You are properly preparing yourself for the next visit to your physician.  The others gripe about their symptoms or complain about them.  They have been told that certain measures can either alleviate their symptoms or eradicate the disease, yet they don't want to do the treatment.

I will give you one example.   I have a condition known as Celiac's.  This entails eating nothing made from wheat, barley or rye.  I also have an allergy to dairy...ALL OF IT!  Now I could have chosen to continue eating whatever I wanted from the day of my diagnosis and paid the price or I could follow the doctor's orders.  By following the diet restrictions as much as I possibly can, (there can always be something hidden that is not listed on the package....ugh!), I am relatively symptom free!  When I do make the choice to eat a "forbidden" item I pay a hefty price.

There are tons of people around me daily who have many of the same symptoms I had and I have talked with them about being tested, yet they wave me off.  Their reasoning?  The doctor's diagnosis of this disease would require denying themselves something which is a fleeting and temporary gratification.  They do not want to be healed, but would rather indulge and worry about the consequences later or even live with their pain.  After all, the pain and discomfort is familiar.  Changing their diet would mean also changing their lives and they are too complacent to make that move.  Oh my, there is that "I" again.  Satisfying the self at all cost.

Elul is upon us.  Do you wish to purge your life of the things which are making you sick or do you wish to continue wallowing in your pain in order to receive a moment of gratification?  Shalom!